Life is really full of ups and downs… I need to talk things out. But this idea simply fails.
Sometimes I feel I'm being too harsh on my parents leh.
I also feel I'm being too timid and caused a lot of unhappiness between my parents and HB.
I don't want both sides to get hurt. But it seems that no matter how much effort I put in, I still fail…..
Parents are still unhappy with me… and HB gets upset with me too…
I feel so helpless but yet I can't do anything. Each step I take only seems to make things worse.
I feel I can't communicate with my parents. And I feel tat whenever HB and I are talking and the topic is on my family, the conversation will only turn sour. He can't bring himself to respect my family. And he says harsh words to make me understd that what my parents do are wrong. But it affects me.
And when I go back home, I can't face my parents and talk to them properly. Conversation seems to run dry. We seem to have become strangers or else, enemies. Coz whenever we talk, it'll lead to quarrels and mummy crying, wanting to die, condemning me… etc… All these make me even deter from doing that maid job at home. I know mum's health is poor.. Tat's y she always say she can't do the hsework mah… but…
And there is a fact I can't deny - I can't bring myself to coax my mummy as what/how I forced myself to do in the past. From the time I was in SIA until now, the duration really makes me even more 'no-feelings' towards them.
I remember how uncle Francis, my neighbour, asked me.. So how are things? The 1st word tat ever came to my mind was … 没 感 觉 (mei2 gan3 jue2). it is really very sad that this word came out from my mouth. A word that came out from a girl who's never defied her parents… and each and every of their request. I try my very best to fulfil their needs and wants, even if they aren't realistic or they are beyond my limits. But wat do I get in return? I still get scolded… she's still not satisfied.
She thinks that HB took her daughter away from her. She thinks that I want to get married coz I want to fly to raymond's arms. YA~ That's wat she says right in front of me… "I only want to leave this home to another new home and Fly to HB's arms"…
But that isn't true. If that were true, I would have gotten married with the 1st or the 2nd bf… I would not even started a 3rd relationship… then eventually choosing HB… Why can't she understand?
What is the meaning of marriage? What is the meaning of harmony? There isn't harmony in my hse…. There isn't peace in my family. And these family matters and weird instructions and commands from my family are causing unresolvable conflicts and causing our relationship to drift apart.
Can anyone tell me which is more important? Who should I satisfy? Who should I listen to? Is it my marriage is causing my family to fall apart? Which should I choose? My mum told me… parents only have 1….. But…